My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
