I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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