We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
