you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
