so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
