It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
