1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
