You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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