we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
