so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
