I smell stomach acid.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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