He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
