You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
