So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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