My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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