My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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