brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she looked like the before picture.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
