I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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