HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
