I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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