No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
