Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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