No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You ruined the universe
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
