you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
