where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I need a burrito and a hug.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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