he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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