Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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