That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
