is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
