Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
