I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
