We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
