I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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