I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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