Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
And then he peed in my hair
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