you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
