Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
