This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
