This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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