so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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