i need an iv and a liver transplant
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
