all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she pinky promised me she was 18
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
