HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Girls should come with a carfax report
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
