she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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