I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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