i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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