i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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