one two three fourrrrnication!
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
