She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
