and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
