I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
